Peeling

yesterday's raincheck post:

 quiet nights, not so quiet minds speeding all through the air.

trembling hands, and tired hearts beg to change the atmosphere around

yet it's more difficult than you could imagine.

lines that will never intersect, though we plead for them to somehow re-direct

your body language tells it all: even when you're a map's distance away

i see you.

and on a lighter note:
 today was a day for the beach, as it was greatly needed. im starting to realize that though i have only met this part of my family just recently, my heart knows to protect them.
it knows that these people are my flesh and blood, and words aren't just words in time of need:
they're everything ive got to show for the love that i didn't know i had for them all these years.
stefania and i have peeled away our layers of what makes us tick
the layers of our being that comprise our personality.
but recently we've really gone to the core, to where the flavor of our being really matters
and i have grown to understand how much i love and care for someone i have only met recently.
not anyone that i will lose touch with, or that has shallow similarities with,
but my own family. my own flesh and blood.
i have grown to protect her heart, because she is part of me
and its truly a beautiful thing to unpeel every layer between the two of us
and figure out
that we were more common than we were ever led to believe.
for this, a new love has been revealed to me, and i know it's not something that will vanish with the rain
or stay here in athens when i depart for america in a few weeks.
this a love that is possibly healing parts of me that ive lost.
and maybe, she feels the same way too.

42%

my fancy not so dancy alarm clock woke me up this morning, whispering that it was still too early (having gone to bed at 3:30am), but having pre-made plans to sip groggy coffee with my cousin downstairs. i rubbed my tired eyes and wondered if i should just wander down the flight of stairs in my sleep-wear, since all i was doing was having a coffee or two with stefania before she went to work. i though, "eh, what the heck, a bra will suffice, and if i just change these teeny-weeny-polka-dotted-boxer shorts, i should be fine. i like this comfortable shirt anyhow. why am i thinking so much this early anyway- this is fine. shorts, pj shirt, sandals, check." i glanced at my clock once again, post PJ change, and wished that i was still engulfed in the covers, not thinking about coffee gatherings, and proper attire, for i knew it didnt matter: especially with 5 hours of sleep under my belt.

slump, step, grumble grumble. step step, yawn, ding dong.
errr
"good morning!"
errr.

my morning was to be predicted to be like my previous day: a day filled with lulls. i thought that i would sip my coffee, trudge back upstairs, and hide under my covers to steal back what was taken from me: precious sleep. so i paid my visit (which was pleasent and nice by the way, im being dramatic), and went upstairs to find pappou all dressed, asking if we could catch a ride to the metro with stefania.

what? spur of the moment? But that's not fair. Im supposed to be in charge of anything spur of the moment.
im not even dressed like a normal human. I have a cut-off shirt that i wear to dream-land, and 3 year old sandals, and i dont look cute. i need proper time to look cute at least!

...but pappou must have either gained some insight, or read my mind and thus, gave me a taste of my own medicine.
"she wants to be busy busy busy? go go go? well, here we go. ready or not..."

so we went. on the metro. thank Jesus i at least brushed my teeth, i had coffee sloshing around in my veins to keep me standing, and i at least looked 42% cute. We were on a mission: to go to the market, and to buy the gifts that we were assigned to buy for family back home. there was to be a strike the following day, so, today was the day to get shat done.

guess i got a little reality check from my dramatics yesterday. But, this was a pleasent surprise, and i was glad that, though i was looking like i rolled out of bed, that i was seeing greece, like it was meant to be seen.

so here's some stories for you..
we walk into the post office. it works much the same as a butcher, in which you press a button, and take a number. with almost 30 numbers before it reached us, i had some serious people watching to do. In and out, greeks flowed in and out. I watched them pass me by. especially this one. this one fine looking fellow...

you'd think you'd see him in a movie somewhere. you know. tall. dark. ... you can fill in the rest. i sat in my post office seat and tried to catch glimpses of him, though his sunglasses blocked my understanding if he was truly looking at me. i kept seeing his bpdy language veering toward me, and turning in my direction, though unsure of his actual eye focal point. i thought: "man, if only he could talk to me. no... he's greek. he doesnt speak english.... he is nice too look at. oh, nice jeans. i wonder why hes here. i wonder if he really is looking at..."

sunglasses came of, and the eyes revealed it:
"oh my gosh. hes looking at me. why is he looking at me. dont keep looking at him. you're probably blushing, steph. act cool.. cross your legs. no.. uncross them. cross your arms instead. no... thats too  dismissive. just.. just look down. oh my gosh. i wonder if he..."

he approached me
"i cant believe this movie star man, is approaching me. hes looking at me. hes approaching me. hes bending down. is he going to say something to me? maybe he does know english. who cares, hes just so nice to look at..."

he gets ready, and speaks:
"im sorry to tell you, but, you're zipper is down."

i sheepishly looked down, turned even redder than my humiliation had admitted, and in slow motion, with a grin on my face, i pulled the zipper to my shorts, up, up, and away. of course. of all the days, to look 42% cute, i had to pick this day. Of course, that was the reason he was look look looking right? he was probably just trying to figure out if my fly had really ventured all the way down down down.

so, of course, our number was called, pappou and i got our stamps, and i kept thinking, "smooth steph, real smooth" Just when i thought a nice cute greek boy was interested in my half cuteness, he was just "xmz" ... "examining my zipper....."

but when we walked out, he smiled. and gave me a wink.
maybe 42% was all he needed, and the zipper was just an ice breaker?
i dont mind, because, in that moment, i needed that wink. especially from the tall dark and handome greek boy.

the rest of the day played out in normalcy, and pappou had a kick in his step.
at one point he insisted that i snap every angle of the ruins he was showing me, and i explained that, once i see a  ruin, they all blur together. im not sure if he caught my drift, or was a little sad that im just another numb american. numb. yes.

found a starbucks! of course. i have that power you know...

pappou showed me the ... i forget the actual name, but its basically a "tomb", for all the unknown soldiers that died in the wars. Its a memorial to all the people that they couldnt identify. So, a nifty gaurd stands outside the place,  and of course, whats a nifty gaurd if you cant take your picture with him??

as i took in the scenery, i glanced out at a scoopful of pigeons pigeons pigeons. the birds are so dumb, yet when they travel in herds, its only natural for us to desire pictures of their 'majesticness'. thus, the outcome of the following...

this happens to be my personal favorite. ive never held a bird before, and im hoping i dont have some viral disease that the US wont allow me back in my homeland because of it. but in the meantime, i think the shots of the majestic animal kingdom were worthwile, despite the unlikely pigeon pnemonia.

coffee in the am, gyro in the later-m. i'm okay with that...

and, im happy to say that i jumped on the euro-wago with pants.
pants? yes. pants. ive noticed some floppy leg aquantinces that these europeans enjoy wearing, and quite frankly, i enjoy watching their enjoyment for their choice of attire (when i seem unsucessful in some days). so i thought, why not go greek and buy some. so, i did!

they are oh so cute on. i am oh so satisfied, and i think next time, i will go greek hunting in these pants.. if you know what i mean.

pappou and i hopped on the metro once again, where i was semi ok with my zipper being semi-down, for it knew of the previous encounter earlier. The boy a glance down the subway train, had a watchful eye on me and my ponderings. Possibly he too was okay with my 42%. Possibly he had x-ray vision and glanced at my hot-new-boy-seeking-pants that were neatly tucked away in my bag. whatever the case, this boy, held a nice, soft gaze at me. soft in appearance as well, with a quiet beauty to his face. And, for some unattainable reason, i was okay with this. i tossed him a shy smile, and walked out of the subway train.

however, i felt that he was still looking at me with, through the train car with his softness. I felt his gaze as i walked out of the train, up to the escalator, and even saw him hold his eye contact with me as the escalator traveled my feet up to street level, and  the doors of the train closed, and he was wisked away. i will, for now, just tuck that quiet memory in my pocket, because only he, and i, knew it happened.

Kaleidascope Frequencies

today i was out of my element. i kept quiet most of the day. talked with my internal thoughts, battled my frustrations within my own mind, and sealed tightly my lips so that i wouldn't leak any frustrations that would try to make a run for it. so, an outsider looking at my external, all you'd see was an amber-haired, rusted-jade-eyed,   petite-stacked female that seemed like she kept her thoughts in her pockets. Now, ladies and gentlemen, if that were true, if i really kept my thought in my pockets, i'd need about 7 duffle bags worth to stuff them into, for my thoughts are asexual and feel the need to keep producing though i say "stop it now."

how did i feel today? ....
how did my thoughts handle the first part of my day?...

White Noise from Devotchik on Vimeo.

what you dont understand what that white noise means?
what was i really feeling?

however, so much at the same time.


its hard for me to be doing 'nothing'. sitting still has never been an option. its always go go go, move, run, dust clouds chasing after my shanaigans wherever  i go. Today, there were no dust clouds. there was no where i had to be. i museumed it up with my great aunt stefania, which, was hard within itself. 84 year old women have a little bit of a different of a perspective on the world than a girl as myself. i think i need to propose that i need to go to a museum by myself next time, because i am not allowing my pockets of thoughts to run and stretch their legs and do what they were meant to do: think. i work best with some explination, but then i need to figure things out myself. i like to absorb the world around me. it's a kaleidascope of feeling and actions and thought processess that intertwine with eachother, and i find that when im discovering these things at my own pace, is when i truly find the overall picture to be worthwile. Today, i was stretched, for my kaleidascope wasn't spinning, my pocket thoughts weren't being disposed, and i quite possibly trailed passed by one or twenty intelectual advances for myself. tis okay, everyone needs to be stretched. i cant always have 'me time'. i cant always have what i want. sometimes the 84 year old woman is going to have to steer the dust cloud wheel, and i will just have to seal my thoughts for the day.

however, these are the few things that made me stop, stare, spin my kaleidascope a bit, and fold the moment up to put into my purse. here's a few:

yes, if you havent guessed, the latter is a neolithic loom. Having took a weaving course in college, it really made me appreciate the discovery of the loom, and how modernized we have become. How truly amazing. At the Archeological museum i saw frying pans (yes, so cool), a clock gear (to them), statues beyond belief, and many other pockets of thoughts that my 2:37am brain cannot recollect.

but here i am. before i went home and scratched out my brain of boredome...

 I doodled. and doodled. and carefully dumped out my thoughts. my kaleidascope came tumbling out of my purse, and all that never got turned into the aray of colors that should have been sorted through the own mischief of my brain, was battled on paper. i vented, and drew. thank God for an outlet. Thank God for a God, or else this amber-haired, rusted-jade-eyed, petite girl would have stress wrinkles like you wouldnt believe. You must be thinking: for such a 'cute little girl' she really does a lot of pondering on the battlefront of her brain.

well folks, thats just the way the cookie crumbles. im greek. im short. i have a lot to say, and never say it. page through my blog or my journals, and it will tell it for you.

so cheers to a new found stubborness in my brattihood. cheers to a petite problem that shines like amber when it's expressed, and isn't left so jaded when it lays to sleep. cheers to a pick-me-up when it couldn't come soon enough. cheers to being in such a beautiful place. cheers to coffee and cousins, and a language that flys over my head faster than a speeding rocket. cheers to this, that, these, and those. 

Back it Up

today was greatly needed.
i'm in the grantid paridise, though i felt like i needed to get away for a bit. Sometimes, i can feel a little overwhelmed in certain cercumstances. I will find myself distancing myself. Either emotionally or in physical terms. ask mother, roommates, and friends: steph needs her space. So here comes greece knocking at my door, with no space inbetween. Pappou and I have been having a wonderful time so far, seeing all the ruins and learning all the history. However, it's ironic enough to admit that it's hard to keep up with your own grandfather. With 'type A' plans of events for the days, and heres and there's, and this way and that way, this un-type A personality is having a hard time translating from greek, to type-not-so-a, to 21 year old, to english. if you didnt catch all my mumble jumble, today was the perfect day, because... all i did, was lay on a beach. My cousin stefania and i. and for that, i was grateful.

pappou unfortunately has caught an allgergic reaction, and i worry if it doesn't get fixed soon. His arms, ears, and face are all swollen. from what, we're unsure of, but prayer is defintiely appreciated. He's been to a doctor, but i believe on monday he's visiting for a 2nd opion.

with that said, because pappou is a sickly duck, he stayed home, and stefania and I beached it up. I begged and hinted that if im in greece, i need to be going to the water! so finally, day 6 and water and i shook hands and kissed cheek to cheek.

yes, coffee of the day. a new kind today. obviously forgetful of the name, my heart doesn't forget the blissful flavor in my mouth. I never wanted it to end. Iced coffee never tasted so good: especially when my eyes were fixed on the sea (not the ocean).

I continued to bask in my foolish love for this forign-coffee-in disguise, while the true basking actually began to take play. i kicked back, absorbed the vitamin D, and smiled for where i was in the world. the sea was warm if you told yourself it was, but surprisingly not as temperature savy as i expected. Twas a nice reminder when i got too hot though...

after much cooking and crisping in the sun, stefania and i took it upon ourselves to feed our "barking stomachs".... "i believe you mean growling".

To all the sea of women out there who are scared of fish eyes and textures unknown that onced lurked at the bottom of the ocean: just go for it. You have one life, try everything.
I was classified in that classification above, and i honestly, have never been a fish eater. ever. Tainted by the age of 7 from my own mother by being fed frozen fishsticks every thursday, 'fish' and i really had a bad first impression of eachother. I'm a grown woman in attempt, so recently ive been giving my tastebuds a good kick in the behind and showing them the colors and textures and flavors of salmon, mahi mahi, talapia, and others.
Fast foward to these greek adventures, and i'll let you and my tastebuds fill in the rest...

yes. tastebuds met: a sardine-anchovie crossover, octopus, calamari, crawfish, and muscles. All but the muscles i was thrilled with! especially the sardine-anchovie hybrid. It was lemony, and garicy, and tastebuds and i wanted more. i think it's always best not knowing what you're eating before you chomp down. When in rome, right? ... athens?

I'm thankful that i was able to both emotionally distance myself, as well as physically. this is necessary for my health. don't laugh. i need my space. so yay for sunshine, smartcars, kilometers, centigrade, and all the tastebud dancing that went on today. and thank you to a cousin, that shares the same name, and understandings that with a name so long in letters, it's imperitive to attain some spacing between everything now and then.

as for now, the tastebuds are mildly dancing. greek yogurt and i are more than happy to be in a relationship with eachother tonight. daytime calls for raving buds of taste, and night time calls for buds of taste that savor on the alone time with the familiar: introverted and sweet.

 today, was hot. today, was a lot of walking. today i arose at 7 in the morning and arrived here in Delphi a couple hours later. Whipped out my new instant camera, and shot these lovely-colored-shots. 

 i had to sneak  this coffee picture in! i think im going to make this a habit...

and these are just shots from my canon. Amazing views. Really reminded me of how small i am.

 almost at my wits end with tiredness..

and finally onto the museum.. where not a word the man said i absorbed. im sure it was all factually correct, and possibly interesting, though, even if i wasn't hot and tired, this non-history-liker, probably wouldn't have soaked in any more.

either which way... ive decided that when i begin to paint here, im going to paint a classical greek figure, but painted in not such a classical way. I want to continue with how i was painting through the semester, especially this painting and style. I think it will juxtapose nicely.

as for now, i'm just left with tired feets.