breathing and eating

i am inspired by all things.

the air around  me

as well as the art around me.

here is a photo that really captures the essence of breathing out

and the fog in the air.

the quality of color i love, and ironically enough, the picture i took

is a subdued picture of pigment,

i think it's rather appropriate in my inspiration.

next, this is a paintig i'm working on

i'm giving it a go with the pallete knife

and i have to say i'm rather pleased with how comfortable i am with it.

it's very freeing.

in which for this whole semester thus far, ... well.. prior to this painting

i was holding my breath

feeling like i lost the talent to paint

so.. here i am

back in the swing of things.

it's great to be back

its great to feel alive again.

so hopefully i can start adapting

my technique into something

maybe more like this?

but.. in the mean time, some *food* for thought..



linear

i chased the sky today

and i caught up

and hugged it

long sigh

yes, indeed, that's so
it's a heavy sigh
and in small intervals.

why?
why on earth am i panting
and complaining and moaning and groaning?

because we keep trying to reinvent the wheel, folks.

yes.  a  lot of times in art, go for it.
keep it fresh
liven things up
put a new twist on things.

but if something works
keep it!
don't migrate to a different continent
pick up the who's and what's over there
and mold it into a frustrating experience.

what on earth am i mumbling about anyway?
printing.
stupid printer.

i'm house sitting, for a dear family friend.
and in the process, thought i'd catch up on some school work.
i am in college you know, so having access to a printer
is key.

file>print.
print print print print print print
stop.
load the paper!
walk over.
load it to the normal  'load-er-in' area.
'sorry. that's not it! try again!'
err.
load it in again.
'sorry. that's not it! try again'

maybe if i look at the printer icon its flashing
on my computer screen that will help with where the paper belongs.
'load it into the cassete'
oh. alright. now we're talking about music.
perfect.

looking
looking
looking

10 minutes later
frustration has seeped into my blood stream
and i have successfully dismanteled every section
of said printer.
still no luck.

manual download time.
'load it into the cassette.'
'it's in the bottom'
'way bottom'

ahhh.
thats right.
no printer on the face of this earth
works that way.

congradulations mankind
you have officially angered me
in your attempt to create a 'nice design'


i'm not sure if i'm more frustrated at the reinventing of the wheel
and the awful design of this printer
or if im more frustrated with myself
and how impatient
our society has made me.

hollow

a cedar swaying in the wind
singing with the forest
standing with her friends

the storm came in with the night
and this cedar sang with a hollow voice
and an echo in her core

she wasn't all that she was cracked up
to be.

sky and sand

sometimes the sky gets confused
and thinks its the ocean.
what's a little identity crisis here and there?

inbetweens

one of my favorite things
in photography
is this thing i like to call
"the inbetweens".
its something i stumbled upon one day
within my thoughts
and time and time again, the inbetweens make me feel like
a photo is really, and truly beautiful.


its my weakness
and its my obsession.
hope you enjoy some of these
and can try to grasp what an inbetween
holds for me.

i just got home

i just pulled into the parking lot
to stumble upon the mixture of snow above.
it landed on my car, my head, and my everywhere around me.
surprisingly, i wasn't angered
i wasnt pissed that the snow was falling, preceding this beautiful weather
the past few days.
so i stood in the parking lot
alone
in the silence
because, afterall, snowfall is my favorite sound
this world has to offer
and in the moment of me thinking about "why the snow now?"
i thought
its just hugging me goodbye
until next winter
so i stood there
and hugged the snow back

lets laugh

lets laugh:
at all the spilled milk
at the snoozin alarms
at the unwashed dishes
at the overly cautious driver
at the procrastination compiled
at the things that don't matter
and the things that do.
lets laugh at all of this
let's laugh for our health.
breathe.

windy seas

white mountains above
blue skies below
fresh lakes around us now
enable our sight of insight

you're the far
i'm the unknown
possibly our location will update
our frequencies

birds in the sky
fish in the sea
i'm in the wind
come pick me up and carry me home.

molecules

continuous, continually; forever expanded
the bigger picture, an infinite globe, eyes wide open.

wondering, wonder; the present condensed.
a pixelated view, can't grasp the location, fingers locked and crossed.

happily happenings; the unknown forseen
a pigment of color, the hue of air, placed into my pocket.

I went:

i went to the lumbar yard: they laughed at my non understanding of the lumber world.
i went to painting: my professor questioned me, and rationalized why i make art.
i went to my car 15 minutes late: i had no ticket. thank you kutztown, i'd say i owe you, but i clearly don't.
i went to my phone: the florest said he was at my doorstep, waiting to handover the flowers my mom ordered me.
i went to the florest: mentioned i was "steph" and they handed me the "oh, we have them right here", flowers.
i went to my car: it hummed with happiness, because the sun finally peeked out today.
i went to ali's house: i laughed at myself, because i have that ability, you know.
i went into the depths of my mind: a tricky task, especially today. i got lost within my thoughts.

i returned to consciousness: i looked around, and realized, how truly, truly blessed i am for the people around me.

two extremes

as it comes to that time of year again
its the time when i realize just how precious our lives are.
my father left this world 9 years ago
and 9 years later i still remember every sound in his voice
movement in his steps
and love in his words to his baby girl.

my dad was my man, and still is.
so on this day, i will choose not to be sad
but to remember his presence around me.

with that said.
i've been editing infant photos
of a 2 day old baby i got to know yesterday.
the beautiful world
of two extremes in my life right now,
is breath taking at times
but i'm thankful i can see life at its very first strages.

life, and death.
beauty in both
and for that, i am grateful
because i am thankful for my father and the life he lived
and i am thankful that this new life can experience the wonders
that this world has to offer.

love is all around.

vanishing colors

let's take the time.
and not rush by beauty.

inspiration

Jock Sturges

i desire to take photos like these

or at least to paint like him.
something about the human body
and its shape.... intrigues me.

so i try.

a little-ish girl

this little girl thought she was so big and grown up
at the time

but she's a big girl now, with big girl plans.
yet there's something inside that still says
she has so much left to see.

gravity does this thing..

i think it's interesting that when life happens
and it gets the best of you
its natural to stay busy, keep moving, and to not think about the situation.
so, here i am, a human indeed,
moving, trying to keep busy
yet, life is still happening
and i still have those every once in a while moments
that surface like bubbles in a pond.
but these bubbles
sting, and cause pain, and hurt my inner being and soul. 
i wish it were so easy to just keep busy and the bubbles
would never find their way up to where the day is
but unfortunately
we have gravity.
and gravity, has this wonderful thing
of weighing people down, when ironically enough,
their problems are coming to the surface.

always

in times like these
i know i have my girls

a motion of time

you know when your a kid
and having your own place
or your own cove
or your own fort
is really all that you want some days?

some days you just want to crawl away
turn off all the lights
and bring in the note your friend passed you in schoool
and the spoonfull of uncooked cookie batter
that your mom just baked
and the pillow you've had since
you've declared it was your day to enter the world
and the only flashlight that seems to have batteries.

some days you just want to crawl away
into your space that you made, yourself
because its small
and hidden
and only the cookie batter knows what's up.

i hope everyone has, or has had a space that they crawl into when
life seems to circle around them like a merry-go-round
and all you want is
your imagination to rule the motion of time.

this is my space
and sometimes, in the depths of the todays and tomorrows and yesterdays
my life does circle around like a merry-go-round
and if i just sit here.
and look
and drink my coffee
and eat my fake cookie batter
and look at all the notes my friends have given me in school
and hug the pillow i've had since i've moved here
somehow, in that moment of stillness
time stands still.

the unanswerable

i feel as if ive been holding my breath for the past month
a small breath here and there to keep me standing up
but not enough to supply me with comfort and rest.
the unanswerable make us feel vulnerable
small even.

when will this gnawing in my chest
cease?
when will i come up to the surface to finally
breath?
how will my days look when the sun finally
shines?

when will this be over?

the unanswerable.

weighted atmosphere

some days
i feel the weight of the
everything around me
and would just prefer
to go here for a while.

nice ice baby

it has feelings too...

sometimes when i look to my right
out my apartment window
i feel like it shivers too.