seriously.

Here we are:

2 days after easter

3 days left of class

8 days before i finish up the third year of my college career

and  a number not so grasp-able until i depart for greece.

a couple more pages to slave away at

a handful more journal enteries to doodle into

a few goodbyes i dont want to give my fare-well's to

for that's the big scary world im entering in this time next year.

here we are. 

Climbing

i'm proud to say that

i finally got out of this stupid 

DRAWING LESSON RUT.

ive been working on and off this one lesson within my drawing unit

for the course plan..

and for some reason, my thoughts weren't flowing

my idieas weren't synthesizing

and my words weren't aligning

but. finally. 2am, with a full stomach

of loaded spuds-i-deserve-these-fries

that ashley and i just got

2am is the time to smile

and say to myself

"go ahead steph, you can pat yourself on the back"

so i did.

but tomorrow is a new day

with new goals

and new stressors.

 

 i will venture on.

Atlantic Struggle

you're in the middle of a body of water

and you look around

and you can't tell where you're going

or where you came from.

that's pretty much where i'm at.

when will i see land?

when will it be clear of all the paddling ive been doing?

when will i look back and say, "that was worth it."?

im in the middle of a body of water

and there's no telling

when the paddling will stop. 

Gelatin

i found out today i have 20/10 vision

this is a good, great thing.

"better than 20/20", says the doctor

and i smile with pride, or so they call it.

then i cross my legs, and locate my hand to my chin

and wonder

how clearly, or, not so clearly, i have been seeing my whole life.

not the literal see

but the vision in which determines decisions

allows for remaining content when you should be eager

a sight that lets me interpret life correctly

or not-so-correctly

if i've got blinders on

or im in a pool full of gelatin.

what i'm really saying

mixed in with all this babble 

or gelatin

and 20/10

is that hindsight

is always clearer.

my hindsight is 20/10

but my now-in-the-moment

is 20/not-so-great.

in the moment we can assess

and think we're making the right decisions

and settling with the right choices

and understanding why we say the things we do

but when we step back

into the world of hindsight

vision becomes clearer

and we wonder 

"why on earth did i put up with that"

"why  would i have sat back and swallowed those words in that moment?"

"why didnt i..."

its because when you're in a pool of gelatin

the 'right-before-my-eye's-present-time' is foggy.

i know this now.

i'll focus on improving my vision in all 

tenses.

confused

can you tell my emotions have been 

frazzeled

and confused

and up and down and up and down

this semester?

because my paintings sure show it..

i really do paint what i feel.

more hours

i need more hours in my day, please.

for now,

a recent painting

that my church asked me to do.

it's based off the song, "in Christ alone"

and it will be premiered at the church

this sunday!

yikes.

enjoy!

Chew it Up!

im going to let you in on a little 

this and that

that i've been working on

and getting excited for 

within the art world

mind you, these are the crappiest of the crapster pictures.

take them for the concept, not the content of the picture, please!

this is a book i just got in the mail.....

it will be critiqued on monday! more pictures to come later

its titled: Ironically broken: the inbetweens (all photography i took for this book class)

this is a silly design logo we had to come up with

for our art ed class, for another group project basically.

kind of went from the coffeeshop The Looney Bean,

to steer my direction

and... so when i do finally start my own coffee shop one day

when im bored and old

maybe this will pop back up

and i'll use it

and this is just some home made paper i made!

so much fun!

its a lot more colorful and fun in person

but this kind of gives you the idea for my next...

photo BOOK PROJECT.

im going to be taking photos of....

GUM!!

i know "gross"

but im more focused on the colors

than the "grossness" we associate with it

to me, home made paper has that quality of

'scrap' and 'left behind-ness' to it

with all the colors scattered in between

so

i wanted to emphasize this

with photos of bright pieces of gum!

more to come. 

enjoy my inspirations and explorations :)

From Paint to Skies

screw being an art teacher

 

i'm just going to be a pilot instead..

that way i can just fly where i want

at the drop of a hat

and not have to worry about lesson planning

and "students will..."

and assessments

ok. not really

becoming an art teacher is quite possibly

one of thefew (i can count them on one hand) certainties i am... well...

certain of.

but right now, let me wallow in my complaints

and let me moan and hear my own voice to somehow

make all the work less stressfull

wahhh.

but. all else aside.

being a pilot

wouldn't REALLY be that bad...

a true love

ive moved several times in my life.
a solid ten times.
though twenty-one, changing location that many times
in most commonly unheard of
yet i find myself sitting back and putting my hands behind my head
in relaxation
and realizing that ive had so many wonderful people flow in and out of my life.

no matter where i am
or who i'm surrounded with
life tends to run faster than me
and i find myself trying to catch up
(though it's not ever really possible)

sometimes i feel like ive been delt a crappy hand
or 'if i could just have it this way...life would be good'
but life doesnt work out as such.

you are where you are
and im proud to say that
i am where i am
and i will be me, through and through.

and its nights like these
when i can take a snapshot of my life
and zoom it into a week
and realize how truly blessed i am.

i have beautiful friends
and loving people all around me
who care to care about me through and through.

when life runs ahead of me, and i feel the weight of it all
it's the extra boost of my loving friends and family
that pause life for a moment
and make me drop the weight of everything around.

i'm thankful beyond measure, and i like that ive grown
into a twenty-one-not-so-looking-twenty-one-year old
with friends who:
i can express ideas with
i can verbalize frustrations in my life
i can enjoy making a face or two in a time of lull or boredom
i can dance with
i can spend a day on the couch laughing about the funny people in our lives
i can finally break down to if it comes to that point
i can enjoy every second i'm with them because i know they'll always be there for me.


when life deals you a crappy hand
look around you
and take your friends' hand
and wipe some of that crap on theirs

because if they love you
they sure as hell wont mind.