birth

its my 21st birthday soon.

 

 how do i feel about that?

yes. excited.

not because it's the 'of age' birthday

but because

its a day, all about my birth

and when i came into this world

and quite frankly i think that's something to be excited about.

what will i do that's special beyond special on THIS birthday?

piñata.

i'm making a piñata.

did you expect anything less?

but for right now

this very moment

this day has been, non-birthday-esque, excitement.

i've been up to my eye balls in work and confusion

thats resulted in peers approaching me 

and asking "are you ok?"

"do you need coffee?"

"are you totally with it?"

"do that quiz online today?"

utter confusion. i'm in a blur. BUT

not for long

because, dispite how i THINK this week is going to go

i'm going to MAKE it a good one.

snow is coming, life is here, im alive.

i really can't complain about the blurriness.

i'll follow

if you're a bird
i'm a bird

coastal pines

being in new england
makes me want to  move back
to where my heart beats with purpose

something about how pine trees thrive
and coastal air runs through the streets
taunts me, and i pray it's a foreshadowing of what's to come
for a future.

if not,
i can live with tiny trees in an attempt to save a city landscape,
and an atmosphere that isn't as crisp as here.

as long as i'm with the one i love
any where is fine.

but, if i could have a wish granted,
i'd live with the one i love
in the place i love.

but that's just an unforeseeable request.

a smidge of those

my mind travels
possibly faster than i do
and even when i try to catch up
or try to yell ahead to slow my thoughts down
the mind  does this funny thing
and goes even faster.

some say it's coffee inspired
maybe a tad too much of information intake
and not enough information exhalation

but all i know
is it's frustrating when you try to relax
and there's just a jungle of 'this and that' and 'these and those'.

when all i want is a smidge of 'right here right now'.

ecuador

no matter what country
culture
area
or foreign land you go to.

you always know the language of a best friend.

pure

finding the silence between the alleys
watching each snow flake as it descends onto your shoes
and you descend on your way home

the only thing that can be heard
is the moon getting ready to play in the coated streets
together, once again, the stars, snow, and the moon
escape with the night
and leave us with love when all the children arise.

let the snow fall.
let the stars sing.
let the moon shine.

listen to the silence.
listen to the unpredicatbility.

losing a good thing?

i painted today and feared that
quite possibly
i may be losing my painting ability?

i look around at all the painting studio kids
and marvel at the wide canvases
and wonder at how their colors make sense in such a chaotic order
when i, just seem to struggle with my
not so wide canvas
and my seemilingly appropriate to life, colors.

is it time to stretch
bend
grow uncomfortable
and be vulnurable

in a medium that i know im good at?

i feel ive hit a road block, and im puzzled with how to handle it.
i hate 'experimental'.
i hate 'going out of my comfort zone'

"but steph, it'd be good for you"
quite possibly...

right now, i need to figure out what the hell im doing
because i certainly
dont
feel like an artist.

twas a cold college night

it's a whopping 65° in 217 west main, not because we enjoy the new winter coats we just got for christmas, but because electricity is a pleasure, yet pain to have. I now am starting to understand the wonders of being an adult, or grown up is maybe how i enjoy referring to their kind as, and the thought of actually becoming one of 'them' is taunting me everyday.

is it possible to continue on my coffee rants on a daily basis and still be a grown up?
can i still be a procrastinator in all things important ?
is paying bills, really, what being a grown up, is all about?

if that's the case, this is all quite silly. all the cold nights, trying to 'save electricity' seems sort of subjective at this point, because no matter what
grown-up-ville
will knock on my door
whether i like it or not-

and electric bill in hand.

and i. of course.. will be oh so childish, complain, and then pay up the money.
i feel like a pre teen.

on this note of 'self-realization', i'm going to go water my dying flowers i got in ecuador for myself,
since my boyfriend wont be home for valentines day.