Swim

For so long, 

for-countless hours, weeks, and moments i felt as if i was swimming.

not the type of swimming that makes you smile and excited to jump off the diving board after the next kid..

but that kind of swimming where you're in a large lake.

I felt like i was in a body of water, treading water because

shore was out of sight, and nearby land was in nowhere to be found.

i was swimming, kicking my feet and arms, looking for any idea of were i was going..

but also, where i came from.

just felt tiring, and uncertain of when i'd see some hint of a shoreline.

but the problem with swimming, is, if you stop...

you drown.

and in no way was was i going to drown in the middle of the lake...

not now. 

 not before i saw the mirage turn into an image that existed in real time.

Unaware of my surroundings and where-to-next's

i felt sand on my feet

i felt my arms begin to relax as the lake began to even out

i saw the deep lake floor beneath me turn from 'nothingness' into 'approachable ground' in 10 seconds flat

all at once my surroundings filled in with color, and i was being relieved of my treading.

after so long of 'working to an endless and unattainable goal', i finally felt sand on my feet.

i finally saw the diving board.

i finally got to dive in, knowing where the lake floor stood

and where i just swam from.

i'm in a good spot now.

i feel like im still treading and peddling my feet

staying afloat.

but this time, i can enjoy

knowing i won't drown.

Escape for Today

this moment of my life
it seems nothing is concrete
certain
or tangible
for the future.
don't get me wrong, i'm a happy camper
i smile when i wake up in the mornings
but its still that crazy phenomenon
when i can be standing still, yet the world is spinning beneath my feet.

so, in turn, it makes me grateful to have a moment of silence
just for a moment
just so i can be sure of this one tidbit:
i have an escape through art.

the finished piece
color+soundwave+philadelphia=escape.
just for this moment

Dove in

Since teaching this summer
through two courses at the "academy"
and through my own course outside of school
i have been surrounded by art making,
yet thirsting at all costs.

thank God! Because it finally kicked me in the butt to actually start something.

im about 4/7 done with this...
still need to add the 'details' and windows to le buildings in le soundwave
so far... im surprisingly excited and impressed

the before and after-- i almost want to do another piece, just inspired by the background of this one.

painting is great. i always forget how great it makes me feel.

He and I

im usually a lover of all seasons

of new and changing

of fresh and onward

though seasons always result in compromise

and sacrifice.

i feel myself moving through seasons, and not the seasonal

more the destinations of the heart.

though these new chapters and patterns for change, result in inspiration.

i've been blessed by someone sweet in company

and i feel it is necessary to display my gratitude for them in my life

through what i do best:

expression in the arts.

inspired by the song that has held itself on repeat since the moment i met him: 

inspired by love for music represented into the visuals:

inspired by how these lines remind me of where this season is taking him...and how amazing he is going to be here:

thus, the beginning of my creation of the song "rainy zurich", as sound wave visuals, into the philly skyline, as an oil painting.

should be interesting. 

seasons are always changing

always moving aside

trailing along

and moving away, or so it seems..

but they always come back.

Bumps

look, look, searching

smooth sailing, my eyes were focued

not even focused on anthing finite, or radient with color

just simply... focused.

i had a, b, and c to accomplish

i had my two feet to stampede through each one

still remaining focused.

roads were clear, the sky was brilliant, and the breeze was clean with hope

i had a hunch that it would be sailing smooth

from here on out.

you know, those calm seas, the fresh-paved roads, the new train car on its first ride

from here on out

i had my focus locked away.

except one day, a bump in the road came into my view.

i felt the sea shake, i heard the train slow a bit.

a, b, and c were told to "hold on a minute, i'll be right back"

when i noticed the bump in the road

at the very same instance

i realized my left foot was unfocused, and my thoughts were going along for the ride.

i had every intention to remain on my path

i had every intention to travel the seas, the tracks, and the apparent bumpy roads independantly

but i simply bumped into someone else, not searching for the bump, we both bumped into.

we were each other's bumps.

we were eachother's beautiful disturbance

we became the soft sea breeze that inhibits sailing

we became the extra set of tracks that veers the train

we became the bump in the road.

we were both so taken back, by this bump in the road.

look, look, searching...

 simply together... focused.

we closed our eyes, we counted to a, b, and c, clasped hands, and hugged in the rain

we took a leap...

but we still haven't fell...

we still haven't hit pavement

All of Them

moments aren't just when your heart flutters, or when you almost forget-
but a moment is when your heart drops and catches itself just in the nick of time.
moments consist of energy and sound waves reverberating-
of lulls and long periods of unknowns.
moments happen for a split second
and moments last for an indefinite amount of time.
a moment is never the same as the last moment
and will always be in every time zone you travel.

moments occur with unclarity;
with absolute precision and direction
a moment warrants acknowledgement.

it happens when the rain just turns into a down pour, when your head hits the pillow at night, when you knew you gave it your best, and when no one else is even in the room.

Moments can be held, they can be told. Moments can be remembered and can be seen. A moment is fleeting, yet it wants to continue until tomorrow. A moment is yours.

This is your moment. These are your moments.

Currency

Someone told me once:

 "In order to stay awake while driving, when you are tired beyond control, your cure is holding the largest bill outside your blowing window."

 Theory is that you will be so kicked into gear and snapped out of your sleeping state, that the scare of losing any chunk of change will open your eyes. 

I thought:

 "wow, belonging to that statistic would make me a disgrace to my own kind. No. No I cannot be chunked into that sleepy, desperate, money-hungry fact."

Driving to where the trees became taller and the houses made themselves lesser known, my eyes and consciousness began making a vanishing act on me on route 80. Honestly, I can't even blame them- 2 hours at constant speed, it was nearly impossible to glory at marvels after such a long day.

So, I did what any sane, half-awake speeding driver would do.

I reached for my wallet. 

Snagging a 5 dollar bill was really, all I could scrounge up, being a post-college-grad now. Despite the amount, the sound alone of my currency flapping in the open breeze, ready to take its flight out the window without my permission, was enough to awaken my state of mind, and realize I was drifting towards the left a little.

As Abe Lincoln stared me in the eyes in complete disbelief that I just came that close to saying my farewells moments prior, I had my thought:

five dollars woke me up.

mountains, valleys, and diversity in every car that passed, had no toll on my excitement for open eyelids. No change in the volume knob, and no wonderful stretch of land was going to wake me up from the long day I had been through.

what awakens your soul?

Is it money? a job? Love? The prospect of it all? Happiness? Success? Is our currency something that runs our consciousness...because, if we lose it, we'd be lost?

I found myself asking what my true currency was. What had bought me out. I had wondered what would wake me up if everything else failed on that stretch of route 80 in its attempt.

I had an answer. Yet, it wasn't something as tangible as a five dollar bill...

currency.