No Matter What: We're Small

Do you ever dream where the stars become the waves 

and the waves toss and turn above?

I've thought it before, 

not once, or a few times

i like that thought; love.

i'd be sailing around

constillations beneath my ship.

id cast out my line to catch

a real big

fish. star.

just imagine... rolling thunder with water as the symphony

an ocean of galexies

a tidal wave of infinity

the sea would hold the moon

and the stars would hold the land

could  you see yourself jumping in-

or is it all too grand much?

Our Creator

there is always a them, a you guys, and the select few.

however,

if you've ever happened to stir, wait, ponder, or think, then this is for you.

sticky hands, quivering with thoughts, yet cold to the touch? this is for you.
this is for you if your chair begins to fall from underneath you.
this is for you if what you're staring at isn't actually what you're staring at, rather just a bypass for the trail-blaze of 'if's' and 'why's' in your mind.
if you've ever flipped your pillow over twice, three, six times, just until it becomes cool to the touch again.
if the end of your shirt is wrinkled with daydreams, and it leaves a patch of bareness from the tips of your fingers wearing it down.
this is for you if your breath inhales deeply, and exhales even deeper. and the process never reconstructs.
this is for you if you chase questions with scenarios, and the scenarios create a stampede over reality.
this is for you if your doubts  have fossilized, only to be dug  up later- a 'treasure' for someone else to find.
this is for every question that cannot, will not, and should not be answered.

However,

We have a God, and He is for you, them, and all those select few's.
He closes our sticky hands, and clasps them to His own- a reassuring touch only a father could show.
He picks us up, and places us into our correct posture, making sure we are upright.
Our God comes into our sight because you simply cannot look at any surrounding thing, place, or person that was not a thought created and crafted by The Wonderful Artist.
As our hair drapes down, over, and accross our pillow at night, our Creator marvels at His work-  every hair numbered, none forgotten as you sleep.
Our God plucks every day dream from our subconscious and cares for each one. He plans and has dreams for us of His own, far better than we could ever daydream for ourself.
Our God fills our lungs, gives us new Life, and promises us a Forever.
Our God answers and fulfills. His reality for us is the forefront.
Our God is real, true, and He has nothing to hide. Nor, does He want us in hiding. We are not a fossil to Him-we are His gem.
He answers our questions and He comforts our hearts. He restores, repairs, and gathers every unnamed, unwanted, and unruly logic stampeding in our brain.

He is for you.

Blessings in the Crumbs

thankfulness doesn't need to come in a package
or a dish
it doesn't need to be grandiose or one of a kind.
 your thankfulness doesn't need to be thought through in the grins, and award winning moments
and it doesn't need to only come one a year, once a week, or every now and then that one time..

thankfulness encompasses everything you do, and people you come in contact with.
thankfulness happens every morning, and every moment you take another step forward;
you can be thankful for the grandiose, and you can acknowledge the small crumbs in your life.
you can be thankful for the moments of fogginess that led to these present realizations, and  you can be thankful for those times that were unmonumental that led you up to where you are standing today.
thankfulness is east and west, it's yesterday and tomorrow and it can be taller than any skyscraper.

Thankfulness is embodied in every second of my day, because  I'm alive. 
Take a second, and be thankful; you are a monumental creation.

Assisting Direction

sometimes we want what we can't have
other times, we long for what is unattainable
yet, i find my moments are most spent making the turn a half mile too soon.

cruising down crooked roads, short stops, and fast highway signs
this car doesn't know it's own speed.
what happens, you see, is i have my map, my gps, pen and notebook, compass, and extra band-aids all loaded into my car- but no matter how much you prepare for life's demands,  your demands have the ability to float out the window, and life... will always be life. band-aids not included.

so here we are...
my gps  filling the air with his authoritative voice, and suddenly I decide to take my own route..
(I know my way better than a another anyway, right?)

"prepare to turn left"
and then i just kept cruising
i wanted to go new my own way.

and then my tire blew out..
what's a little bump in the road? ... of course i can fix this. I came prepared.
I know my way.
i took out my compass, and stood out in the wind
i stood next to the damage, as the wind insisted it would take me down
and held my compass out, and held it with certainty that it would at least point me in the right direction...
or..
wondered if it would point to tell me how this tire would be fixed...

patched up and ready to keep truckin
i packed up the gps, and unfolded the map that gave me less talk, and more of an overall picture of where i was, and where i wanted to go next.

i drove, put the windows down, embraced the wind, avoided the potholes, and took advice when i got lost.
we don't always have all the right answers, and it took me several wrong turns and a dead end signs to figure out that i was ready to keep at a steady speed instead of racing to my end destination.

sometimes i have to listen to my head and take out my compass. Sometimes, i have to carry on with what i really don't want to and follow the words of others...and yet... sometimes, i have to let the weather be the weather, and accept the change in climate
that's life. 

Swim

For so long, 

for-countless hours, weeks, and moments i felt as if i was swimming.

not the type of swimming that makes you smile and excited to jump off the diving board after the next kid..

but that kind of swimming where you're in a large lake.

I felt like i was in a body of water, treading water because

shore was out of sight, and nearby land was in nowhere to be found.

i was swimming, kicking my feet and arms, looking for any idea of were i was going..

but also, where i came from.

just felt tiring, and uncertain of when i'd see some hint of a shoreline.

but the problem with swimming, is, if you stop...

you drown.

and in no way was was i going to drown in the middle of the lake...

not now. 

 not before i saw the mirage turn into an image that existed in real time.

Unaware of my surroundings and where-to-next's

i felt sand on my feet

i felt my arms begin to relax as the lake began to even out

i saw the deep lake floor beneath me turn from 'nothingness' into 'approachable ground' in 10 seconds flat

all at once my surroundings filled in with color, and i was being relieved of my treading.

after so long of 'working to an endless and unattainable goal', i finally felt sand on my feet.

i finally saw the diving board.

i finally got to dive in, knowing where the lake floor stood

and where i just swam from.

i'm in a good spot now.

i feel like im still treading and peddling my feet

staying afloat.

but this time, i can enjoy

knowing i won't drown.

Escape for Today

this moment of my life
it seems nothing is concrete
certain
or tangible
for the future.
don't get me wrong, i'm a happy camper
i smile when i wake up in the mornings
but its still that crazy phenomenon
when i can be standing still, yet the world is spinning beneath my feet.

so, in turn, it makes me grateful to have a moment of silence
just for a moment
just so i can be sure of this one tidbit:
i have an escape through art.

the finished piece
color+soundwave+philadelphia=escape.
just for this moment

Dove in

Since teaching this summer
through two courses at the "academy"
and through my own course outside of school
i have been surrounded by art making,
yet thirsting at all costs.

thank God! Because it finally kicked me in the butt to actually start something.

im about 4/7 done with this...
still need to add the 'details' and windows to le buildings in le soundwave
so far... im surprisingly excited and impressed

the before and after-- i almost want to do another piece, just inspired by the background of this one.

painting is great. i always forget how great it makes me feel.